Minefields
by arianapeterson19
Summary: Being in the relationship was a bit like needing glasses - he didn't realize how bad it was until the damage was done. Funny how people thought only men could be abusive.
1. Broken

Larger than life was one of the more frequent terms used to describe him but most of the world would be shocked to discover that the majority of the time, Tony felt much smaller than he was. And it had very little to do with physical size. He knew he was on the shorter side physically but he also knew that the rest of him just didn't match up to the strength of character or emotional depth that others held. Simply put, he wasn't enough and he knew it.

Maybe that's why he had stayed even after he realized what was happening. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he had never had anyone proud of him until Pepper. Or maybe it was because he knew that if it ended, she would end up happily married to someone else and he would end up alone until the day he died and then he would be buried alone and spend eternity alone. But whatever the reason, he had promised himself when he entered the relationship that he would do his best to be better for her. And he had.

But it still wasn't enough.

He didn't realize what was happening at first. It was so much easier to stand on the outside and talk about how people should have seen the signs, should have gotten out before it got bad, but on the inside it was like needing glasses for the first time. The change was gradual, slow, and it wasn't until the end when he was out that he could clearly see just how far it had gotten.

Pepper loved meetings. Tony loved that she loved them because it meant that he didn't have to go to as many and didn't have to feel guilty about it. And when the meetings took her to other cities, states, countries, well that was normal.

What wasn't normal was when she insisted he be waiting for her call while she was gone. And when he waited, he should be alone. Oh, he could work on his projects, that was fine, but he could not have company. When he asked why she said that she wanted his full attention, some alone time with him even when they were apart. It seemed reasonable, so Tony agreed without complaint. After all, that was a small price to pay for the woman he loved.

Then she started talking down to him.

Tony was a genius – there were test scores to prove it – but the many grades he skipped caught up to him socially and when it came to people, he was painfully out of his depth most of the time. So when Pepper started talking down to him, explaining how their relationship worked in small words and impatient tones like one would to a child, Tony didn't notice. She made excellent points; he was being needy when he asked her to dinner and she stood him up because of an important business call. He wasn't good at relationships so he should defer to her. He was unintentionally obtuse when it came to emotions so him being constantly in trouble and getting read the riot act by her was reasonable.

Then she got a bit physical.

It wasn't much. Sometimes she just wouldn't take no for an answer when he came in after an inventing binge and just wanted to sleep. Her playful hits became less playful. He was a super hero, a man, he had handled much worse. She rarely even left bruises, not ones that took more than a week or two to heal.

Then there was the cheating.

Tony only knew about that part because it was with Happy and Happy wasn't good at hiding things from Tony. When Tony brought it up with her, it was the worst night in their relationship. Everything seemed to come to a head and by the end, Tony curled up in his workshop with ice and his robots and wished for something to get better.

The next day, Pepper had come down to his shop and punched him for the tabloids printing that he was cheating on her. They both knew it was her but he let it happen because some part of him knew he deserved it and still wanted her to be happy. He truly loved Pepper. So he let her punch him in the face and let her go.

By the time the others figured out what was going on, it was over.

Natasha questioned her worth as a spy if she hadn't even noticed the subtle changes in Tony's behavior over the months she lived in the Tower with him. Clint felt bad that he hadn't noticed sooner but vowed to rectify that in the future, scanning every person who so much as looked at Tony that way. Steve and Bucky didn't know what exactly to do; they had a hard time believing that Pepper could do something like that. Bruce retreated further into himself, taking the news as confirmation that people would only hurt him in the end.

That was three months ago.

"Sir, your team asked me to remind you that movie night starts in the common room in five minutes," said JARVIS, interrupting Tony's music to convey the message.

"Sure," said Tony, distracted as he continued to rework the wiring on the left gantlet of his suit.

Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door.

"Hey Tony?" called Steve, sticking his head through the door with a smile. "You coming to movie night? It started five minutes ago."

"I'm sorry," said Tony, looking up, fear flashing across his face before it was replaced by his cocky mask. "Got caught up, genius at work and all that."

"No worries," said Steve easily. "We figured that would happen so we don't start movie night until at least a half hour after we tell you it starts. So, you about finished?"

"Yeah, just wrapping up," said Tony, putting aside his tools and making his way to the door.

When the two entered the common area, Steve steered Tony to the center couch, the one Bucky was already on. The billionaire didn't protest, only grabbed the throw blanket from the arm of the couch and wrapped himself up in it. Steve retrieved the popcorn from the kitchen and sat on the other side of Tony before JARVIS dimmed the lights and started the movie.

Halfway through the movie, Natasha glanced at the couch, doing her usual scan of the room, and noticed that Tony had curled up and fallen asleep, his head resting on Bucky's lap and feet in Steve's. Neither super soldier seemed the least bit bothered by the closeness so Natasha took it as a win for Tony, who had been avoiding prolonged contact with anyone for almost a year.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other as the movie neared an end, having a silent conversation about what to do with their sleeping genius. The two super soldiers had been in a relationship since Bucky had returned, well before Tony and Pepper broke up and typically sat together during movie night, only allowing Tony to join them when they knew the billionaire had not been sleeping; everyone else had to fend for themselves.

"Your turn to carry him to bed," whispered Steve.

"It was my turn last time," whined Bucky softly, his hand still running through the soft brown locks resting on his lap.

Before Steve could respond, Tony tensed up, left hand twitching in Bucky's loose sweat pants, right yanking at his own hair.

"I'm sorry, I swear," whimpered Tony, curling into himself. "I'll do better. Please. Stop!"

"Sh, you're okay," said Bucky, leaning over and putting his mouth to his ear in hopes of lulling Tony into a deeper sleep, knowing that if the genius woke up now he would never go back to sleep. "It's over. I promise, Steve and I won't let something like that happen again. You're safe. Go back to sleep."

Slowly, Tony drifted into a deeper sleep and relaxed.

"Okay," sighed Bucky. "Sleepover it is."

Clint left and returned shortly with a mound of blankets, handing them out so they could hunker down for the night. Everyone of them had nightmares but over the past three months, Tony's had become more violent and frequent. Whenever they managed to lull him to sleep under the guise of movies or bonding time, they all joined him for sleep so when he woke up he wouldn't be alone or feel embarrassed. Natasha curled up under her favorite blue blanket on the armchair, Bruce on the ground next to it. Clint sprawled across the floor under the window. Bucky shifted so Tony was laying more comfortably on his chest so he could stretch out on the couch as well. Steve settled on top of their feet, head resting on the other armrest. It wasn't perfect, it was actually uncomfortable and each of them would have preferred sleeping in their own bed, but after they had failed Tony for so long, they allowed their own comfort to be set aside in order to give Tony a little piece of mind.


	2. Shattered

_Tony's favorite color was purple. Many people thought it was red or gold or black, but they were wrong. It was purple. He liked to wear purple as often as possible, which normally meant he had on purple boxers or socks if he could get away with it._

 _Pepper hated the color purple._

 _"_ _Tony, really, I wish you would dress more like a proper adult and not some child," sighed Pepper when she caught sight of his violet socks. "It's so unprofessional."_

 _"_ _I'm working in the shop," replied Tony over his shoulder as he messed with some holograms. "Really, you should just be pleased I'm not barefoot."_

 _Pepper rolled her eyes and threw out a stack of cards on Tony's desk in the corner, the one far enough away from everything that it held no risk of ever catching fire._

 _"_ _Hey, I haven't finished with those!" said Tony, rushing over to dig the cards out of the trash bin._

 _"_ _They're just children's cards," said Pepper._

 _"_ _I know, I still have eight more to reply to!"_

 _"_ _Oh, so you'll respond to children but not to my emails?"_

 _Tony paused. So that's what this fit was about._

 _"_ _I have replied to your emails," said Tony carefully, not meeting her eyes because he knew what he would see there – how wanting she saw him._

 _"_ _No, you've had JARVIS reply to my emails," snapped Pepper. "You've been hiding from me for months like the coward you are. You can't even reply to a damn email, how on earth can the rest of the world rely on you to save it?"_

 _"_ _No, I swear, I've replied to every email you've sent me!" said Tony, taking half a step back. "JARVIS, tell her!"_

 _"_ _Sir, if I may," began JARVIS, his tone bordering on panicked, if an AI's tone could have emotions._

 _"_ _No you may not," said Pepper fiercely._

 _"_ _You don't get to tell him what to do!"_

 _"_ _Excuse me?" said Pepper, her voice dropping to that impatient, parental tone he hated so much. "I'm sorry, I could have sworn you just told me not to do something. Tony, what have we said about you trying to boss me around?"_

 _Tony froze, shoulders hunching in a protective gesture._

 _"_ _Tony," prompted Pepper._

 _"_ _I may be a genius is mechanics but I'm the dumbest person out there when it comes to relationships."_

 _"_ _That's right, which means you don't get to give me orders, do you? I tell you how this works and you follow directions. That's why we're still together because if I left it up to you, you would have screwed up a long time ago."_

 _Tony nodded. She wasn't wrong. The only reason this relationship worked was because she was so good at it and picked up his slack all the time. He really didn't deserve her._

 _"_ _Tony, are you even listening to me?" said Pepper, exasperation evident in her voice._

 _"_ _I'm sorry," said Tony, darting his eyes towards her before retracting them again. "What did you say?"_

 _"_ _Honestly you can be so stupid," sighed Pepper, shaking her red hair. "Look, I am going to be finishing up with my work early tonight, so be in our bedroom before I get back."_

 _"_ _I can't," said Tony quickly. "I have to finish with these arrows and the new prototype for SI tonight, I'm not going to be done for hours."_

 _He tried to tell himself that work was the reason he didn't want to go to bed, that it wasn't because he didn't want to have sex with his girlfriend because she was too rough. He loved her and so what if she had ignored his safeword a few times? So what if she wouldn't stop pushing for it and then just took it when he still said no? They weren't together that often what with all their business meetings. It wasn't a big deal._

 _"_ _This won't take all night," scoffed Pepper. "Just have JARVIS run your silly little projects and come back when we're done."_

 _Tony sighed in defeat._

 _"_ _Good boy," said Pepper with a smile before marching back out of the room._

 _With a gasp, Tony woke from the memory-dream, shaking and blinking into the darkness. Someone was holding him, someone warm and large and safe._

"Go back to sleep," muttered Bucky, his breath ruffled the hair on top of Tony's head, answering the question of who was holding him.

"Can't," said Tony, a bit frantically, not fully awake. "Gotta meet Pepper. She's going to be so mad."

"No," said Bucky, settled his arms more firmly around Tony's waist and back, keeping the billionaire pinned to his body. "She's not a part of your life now."

"Oh," said Tony, the memory of the past three months flooding back into his mind as he woke up a bit more. "Right. She left."

Bucky hummed in agreement and pulled the fallen blanket back up over their bodies. Tony didn't protest and was quiet for so long that Bucky almost thought he had gone back to sleep. But then he spoke.

"I really fucked up, didn't I?" said Tony softly.

"No, you didn't," sighed Bucky. "This was all her. She was a bitch."

"All I have to do was follow her lead," whispered Tony. "And then everything would have been fine. I can't even blame her, I'm impossible, I know."

"Go back to sleep," said Bucky. "Nothing seems as bad in the morning."

The super soldier began humming a long forgotten song, the deep rumbling in his chest lulling the genius back to sleep. Bucky couldn't help thinking as he listened to the warm bundle in his arms breathing even out, that he could understand where Tony was coming from. It you're told often enough that you're a horrible person who only deserves bad things then you start to believe it. And because he was too wrapped up in trying to settle in to this new time and his relationship with Steve, Bucky had allowed one of his best friends to be shattered by one they loved. And Tony was his best friend, he was the only one who had never feared him, always treated him like a human being and not someone who would kill them all in their sleep if they said the wrong thing. And he had failed him.

So much for being a super soldier," thought Bucky bitterly.


	3. Only Ones Dancing

Contrary to popular belief, Tony did not hate galas – for the most part. He enjoyed watching the people, liked talking to others, and even enjoyed dancing. Dancing was actually his favorite part but he wasn't allowed to dance most of the time. At first it was because he was always so busy with investors and then it was because Pepper didn't like dancing with him because she was slightly taller when she wore heels.

It was the first gala he could make after the break up and the instant he stepped inside he knew it was a mistake. Fashionably late as always, the event was in full swing by the time he arrived. Pepper was talking with a group of high power investors, looking stunning in her midnight blue gown, a glass of wine in one hand. Tony suddenly felt very aware of the fact that he had chosen the violet tie to wear and almost left to change before Steve stepped up to his side.

"Tony!" said Steve cheerfully, handing Tony a glass of water. "I was wondering when you would get here."

"What are you doing here?" asked Tony, shocked at seeing Steve out.

"The Avengers were invited," said Steve. "Natasha and Clint are around here somewhere. Bucky refused to join, he doesn't do crowds still, and Bruce is at that convention at the moment."

"Oh," said Tony.

"Do you want to dance?" asked Steve suddenly when the music shifted to an older waltz.

"Excuse me?" said Tony, who was already being tugged on to the dance floor by the taller, stronger male.

"I love this song," said Steve bashfully. "They used to play it before the war. Ma would always have the radio going and we danced every time it came on."

"What will your boyfriend think when the picture of us pops up in the papers?" asked Tony, only partially teasing.

"He'll probably be jealous that I got to dance with you and he missed out because he was too busy pouting," laughed Steve, leading Tony around the floor.

Tony laughed but his mind rushed off to another gala, another dance.

 _"_ _You look stunning," said Tony, coming up and kissing Pepper on the cheek. "Mind if I steal her away for a dance?"_

 _The group of people Pepper was talking to – ones that Tony had never committed their names to memory – laughed and allowed the red head to be whisked away by her boyfriend, tutting at what a cute couple they made._

 _"_ _Tony," said Pepper, a smile plastered on her face for show but her shoulders tense. "You know I hate towering over you. It's embarrassing."_

 _"_ _It's fine," said Tony. "You look so amazing that I doubt anyone even notices who you're dancing with. It's only half an inch."_

 _"_ _It's humiliating," grumbled Pepper. "It would be better if you could dance at all but you can't, which only makes the height difference more noticeable."_

 _Tony wasn't sure how his dancing abilities highlighted any height difference between them but he decided not to argue._

 _"_ _Let's just enjoy the moment," said Tony quietly. "I don't want to fight right now. We always fight. Let's just dance."_

 _"_ _We only fight because you're so impossible," snapped Pepper._

 _The song ended and Pepper stepped away as if Tony had the plague and she was afraid to catch it from him._

 _"_ _I'll get you a drink," said Tony, hoping to salvage what was left of the night._

 _"_ _Honestly, I wish you'd just leave," sighed Pepper. "You're making it very difficult for me to do my job and run your company with you clinging like a koala."_

 _"_ _Oh."_

 _Pepper marched away without looking back and Tony went to the bar._

The song ended and Steve stepped back, bowing slightly to Tony and thanking him for the dance.

"Do you want a drink?" asked Steve.

"Um, no thanks," said Tony uncertainly.

"You sure?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. I see some people I have to talk to, go mingle, Cap."

Tony rushed away and threw himself into conversation with a politician he hated but knew was a loose talker after a few drinks. For a time the man worked as a perfect distraction, jabbering away about this and that, every once in a while giving a useful tidbit of information until it stopped.

"Ms. Potts!" glowed the Politian (who Tony really needed to remember the name of). "How are you doing?"

"Fine, Roger," said Pepper with a smile. "How are you?"

Somehow Pepper's hand settled on Tony's upper arm and Tony had to force himself not to cringe or hyperventilate or something. He stiffened and hated himself for it; he hated himself for giving her that power, the one to make him feel small in a place he normally felt in control.

"I hate to interrupt," said Natasha, smoothly inserting herself between the exes and wrapping an arm around Tony's waist. "But I'm afraid I need to steal Tony for a moment, Avengers business."

Everyone nodded and let them leave and it wasn't until they reached a quiet alley at the back of the building did Tony realize how badly he was shaking and how little oxygen was actually making it to his lungs. Without regard to his suit, the billionaire sat on the ground stained with oil, dirt, and other substances one would rather not think about. Natasha and Clint kept guard, watching the door and alley entrances, while Steve crouched next to Tony, not touching the billionaire but close enough that Tony had the option if he wanted.

"Bucky's almost here," said Steve softly. "I'm sorry we didn't spot you sooner."

"It's not your job to protect me," said Tony harshly, his breathing still ragged and face pale in the dim light of the alley.

"Yes it is," replied Steve. "You're our friend and we care about you."

Tony would have argued, he really would have, but at that moment the door to the building opened and Pepper stepped out, already speaking before she recognized who all was there.

"I can't believe you would humiliate me like that again," growled Pepper, using the tone that had made more than one hardened business man cave, glaring at Tony in the light thrown out from the open door. "Do you ever think about anyone but yourself? You're so stupid, you can't just run away – are you even listening to me?"

"Let's have a little chat, shall we?" said Natasha with a dangerous smile, sidling up to the other woman with ease, Clint close behind.

"This is between Tony and me," began Pepper.

"You may either come with me now and have a talk or I can make you come with me and you can trust me when I say that they will never find the body. Your choice."

Before Pepper could respond, Natasha shoved her back through the door as Bucky rounded the corner. Tony whimpered near silently and fell into Steve's waiting chest, burrowing himself inside the jacket towards the body that smelled like protection and freedom and something so entirely Steve that Tony wasn't sure what to call it. As soon as he realized what he was doing and who he was doing it to, he tried to pull back, but Steve hummed disapprovingly and pulled him closer before harshly whispering so that only he could hear.

"Don't you dare pull back until you're ready," said Steve.

Tony whined but burrowed closer because it had been so long since he had been held, since he let someone close enough to hold him, since he truly felt safe enough to let someone have his back because Pepper had been his world. Pepper knew him better than anyone – except maybe Rhodey – and if even she couldn't love him then there had to be something fundamentally wrong with him. And if there was something wrong with him then he didn't deserve to be held, to defile someone as good as Steve – Captain America – with his needy self.

"I'm going to kill her," said Bucky quietly as he watched Tony break down for the first time in months.

"I won't stop you," replied Steve, not moving from his crouched position because he knew that the moment he did then the spell would be broken and Tony would retreat back to his public persona and pretend everything was fine.


	4. Dog Days

"I'm not a fan of dogs," Tony said as he eyed the kennels full of the yipping beasts. "I don't get why you need me here while you two pick out your love child."

Steve didn't appear to hear him because he continued to inspect each and every dog, looking for the one he deemed just right. Bucky rolled his eyes.

"Steve wants a dog," said Bucky as if that explained everything.

"And that's all well and good but I'm not his boyfriend, I'm just the funder, so again I ask you, why the hell do I have to be here?"

"Think of it as community service," said Steve. "Grab a leash and a dog, we're taking them on a walk around the yard."

Tony grumbled but looked around until he found a dog further down the row. It was a year old mix breed – the sign said border collie/boxer but Tony was fairly sure it had some St. Bernard in there with how large it was – that was sitting quietly in the back corner of his kennel, eying Tony but not attacking the bars like most of the dogs.

"You'll do, I guess," said Tony, opening the door and stepping inside to put the leash on. "Let's get this over with."

The dog looked up at Tony but didn't move.

"Um, mush?" said Tony, confusion written across his face. "Look, I know you probably want to stay in here just as much as I wanted to stay at home but it's not going to happen, so onward, Light Brigade!"

The dog got up and trotted out of the kennel and out to the yard. The yard itself was nothing impressive. It consisted mainly of dead grass and dirt. There were a few enclosures where volunteers could take the dogs to play off leash. Tony headed to one of those.

"Okay," said Tony when he locked the gate behind him and had removed the leash. "Do your dog thing, I'm going to sit here until Steve picks out the dog of his dreams.

The dog looked around then simply curled up at Tony's feet. Tony smiled, slid to the ground, and began to pet the complacent dog. His fur was what Tony decided clouds would feel like if they were a solid and not a gas, smooth and light. In response, the dog set his head on Tony's thigh and the billionaire swore the mutt was grinning in triumph.

Steve took ages to find the dog he wanted, trying out almost all of them before sighing in defeat and admitting that he didn't think any of those dogs would work for their lifestyle.

"Where's Tony?" asked Steve, looking around the kennel room when he finished putting up the last dog.

"He was outside in one of the enclosures last I checked," said Bucky.

"Still?"

"Yeah, he's just been sitting there with that dog the whole time."

"Wow."

When they approached the enclosure, they saw that indeed, Tony was still sitting in the dirt with the large dog, holding a one sided conversation intently.

"And that's what I don't get," said Tony, softly, scratching the dog behind his floppy ears. "I don't understand why."

"Hey Tony," said Steve, announcing their presence before they could overhear something that was clearly not meant for their ears. "You adopting this one?"

"No," said Tony. "We're here for you to get a dog, not me."

Tony stood up and dusted dirt from his work jeans. The dog instantly rose and fell into step next to Tony, who opened the gate without bothering to put on the leash. It didn't matter, the dog never strayed more than a foot from Tony's side as they walked back to the kennel room, even when other dogs barked at him. Seeing that and how the genius's hand found the dog's head for a pat when a loud yip made him jump, Steve made a snap choice.

"Well good," said Steve. "Because I've decided I'm adopting him."

"What?" said Tony, turning on Steve, eyes flashing before settling back into their normal range. "You didn't even spend time with him."

"Yes, but you did. Besides, he seems lonely."

"What if it doesn't work out?"

"There is a two week grace period. If it doesn't work out we'll just return him."

Tony didn't protest further when Steve snapped a leash on the dogs collar and lead him to the main area where the adoption papers were waiting. He sulked, the dog whined and kept looking back at Tony, and Bucky found the whole thing rather amusing, knowing that the only reason Steve was adopting the dog was because Tony wanted him but would deny himself something like that on principal.

Tony pouted all the way up to the common floor and to the couch, where he plopped himself down and glared at the television. The dog followed him and instantly sat at his feet, leaning his entirely too large body back to have as much physical contact with Tony as possible.

"You're not a lap dog," said Tony gruffly, his hand still going to pet the soft head. "You're a large dog, more like a horse. And you're Steve and Bucky's now, so go slobber one them. Go on, onward Light Brigade."

"What did you call him?" asked Steve, entering the room with a bowl of water for the newest member of their makeshift family.

"Nothing," said Tony.

"No, I heard you, you called him Light Brigade!" teased Bucky, jumping onto the couch and getting far to near Tony's personal bubble.

"No, I said, 'Onward, Light Brigade'," replied Tony loftily. "There's a difference. That poem is fantastic, I can use it to order people to move if I want. It's not a name."

"I like it," said Steve with a soft smile. "Light Brigade. I think it suits him."

"It's not a name!"

"It is now!" laughed Bucky.

Tony grumbled but Light Brigade – the dog – didn't seem bothered.

That evening when Tony made his way to bed, the dog followed him. It didn't bother Tony when he was brushing his teeth or changing into long silk pants and a tank top, but he drew the line at the dog getting into bed with him.

"JARVIS, kindly ask Steve to come get his mangy mutt out of my room," said Tony, glaring at the beast curled up in the center of the bed.

"Captain Rogers apologizes and asked me to tell you that he will be up shortly to fetch Light Brigade," said JARVIS a few minutes later.

With a world weary sigh, Tony climbed into bed, lay there for a second, then climbed back out. There was a reason he rarely slept in his room anymore, opting instead to collapse from exhaustion in the lab or at movie night. That bed held too many memories – good and bad – that haunted him every time he touched the thing. Instead, Tony dragged his pillow and the throw blanket from the bottom of the bed, wear the dog wasn't lounging, and settled down on the floor several feet away. It wasn't comfortable but it was better than feeling the bed gave him, the one that made his skin crawl as if a million hyperactive worms had burrowed just under the surface.

When Steve finally made his way into the room, having gotten distracted by Bucky in the gym, he found Tony fast asleep on the ground, Light Brigade draped across his feet. The dog's head perked up the moment Steve entered the room, sharp dog eyes following the super soldiers every move.

With a sigh, Steve shook his head sadly and left, leaving the dog to look after Tony.

He made his way to the bedroom he shared with Bucky and sat heavily on the bed.

"What's up?" asked Bucky, setting aside his book and turning his full attention to Steve, staring with the intensity that bordered on being Winter Soldier.

"Tony's not sleeping in his bed," said Steve.

"So?"

"It's been three months and he's not sleeping in his bed! He's on the ground, not even the couch, the ground."

"He sleeps on the couch during movie nights."

"Yes, but that's because you or I force him to, not because he wants to."

"He sleeps on the couch in his lab."

"That's not the point," growled Steve.

"You're right," said Bucky reasonably. "The point is that he would be more comfortable in a bed but he clearly doesn't want to sleep in his own, so invite him to join us if it bothers you so much."

Steve froze, whatever he was about to say lost in his throat because what Bucky was suggesting – it was crazy. Would he really be willing to give up his alone time with Steve (something they had precious little of to begin with) for the sake of a friend. Did he really feel that guilty? Or was he trying to tell Steve what Steve really didn't want to let his heart hope Bucky wanted to tell him.

"Not tonight," said Steve at last. "He's already asleep and Light Brigade is watching over him."

He purposefully left it at that, vague and noncommittal, just in case Bucky had been joking.

"Tomorrow then," said Bucky, yawning to hide his smirk before kissing Steve's cheek and laying down. "Goodnight."


	5. Nightmare

Tony fumbled for the coffee the next morning, ignoring everyone else in the room with ease that came from years of practice. Light Brigade sat at the door of the kitchen until Steve poured some food in his bowl near the island, then the dog entered to devour the food as though he thought one of the hero's would try to steal it.

"Sleep well?" Steve asked Tony, reaching above the groggy billionaire to get his own mug.

"Your dog woke me up," grumbled Tony.

"He probably needed to go out," replied Steve.

"I know, so I took him out and now I'm awake instead of sleeping," snapped Tony. "Why didn't you come get him like you said you would?"

"I tried. He wouldn't leave you and you both looked so cozy all snuggled up together."

"Shut up, Rogers."

Steve laughed but turned his focus from teasing Tony to making the team breakfast. Saturday mornings he always made breakfast. Tony slumped on the island, shivering slightly as his body adjusted to the cooler temperature of the kitchen and found that it wasn't pleased with the thin clothing that acted as a barrier. Pathetically, Tony moaned against the cold but couldn't find the energy to actually do something about it.

"Wear a thicker shirt next time, princess," said Bucky, removing his own large sweat shirt and tossing it at Tony.

Tony mumbled something that could have been an insult or a thank you and pulled on the sweat shirt – which was far too large but looked adorable on him when mixed with his sleepy eyes and messy hair – before appreciating the view the removal of said sweat shirt allowed him of Bucky's toned chest.

"Like what you see?" said Bucky with a sly grin that hid most of his discomfort at his mangled shoulder and arm being on display.

Tony blushed and looked away, silently cursing himself not only for eying Steve's man but for wanting to eye both of them at the same time. Before everything went down, Tony had considered Bucky and Steve his best friends. The three of them did almost everything together which was one of the huge points of contention with Pepper. After things came to light Tony still hung out with Steve and Bucky but he had also become acutely aware of the fact that they were in this happy relationship with each other and he was not a part of it. He felt like soon he would become the point of contention between the super soldiers because while it was fine for them all to hang out when they were in their own separate committed relationships it became awkward when Tony was single. Those were the rules of society. Just like society had the rule that no male and female could just be friends unless one of them was gay. That just wasn't allowed.

"How about I make it up to you for having to take Light Brigade out this morning?" offered Steve, setting a fresh plate of eggs and waffles in front of Tony, breaking the increasingly tense atmosphere that had arisen. "Let's take him on a walk after breakfast and get lunch anywhere you want, my treat?"

It was a normal offer; Before they used to do stuff like that all the time, go out for ice cream, to a movie, lunch, dinner, breakfast, something. Sometimes it was to make up for a mistake, most of the time it was for fun.

"Sure," said Tony, perking up at the idea of doing something so normal. "I want Nonna's."

"You always want Nonna's," said Steve with a smile.

When they were ready to go, Steve clipped a leash on Light Brigade and off the trio went. They walked around the park, laughing at the running outfits, enjoying the sunlight and ignoring the people taking pictures. It was nice, Light Brigade walked between Tony and Steve, Bucky on Steve's other side, the trees created a pleasant barrier between the sun and them, and the conversation was flowing.

Then they passed a couple yelling at each other.

Tony froze, not looking at the couple, his eyes searching for someone else, someone who was more than likely in a board meeting. Light Brigade growled at the couple, who ignored the dog. Steve tugged Tony's arm, dragging him away while Bucky went over to the couple and not so subtly told them to take their dispute somewhere else or shut up before he made them shut up. They were out of the park and well on their way to Nonna's before Tony spoke softly.

"We were always fighting," said Tony to his feet. Steve and Bucky held their breath; it was the first time Tony was offering information. "Not in public. Never in public, that's bad press. But when we were alone. We were always fighting. And it wasn't just her, I was just as bad. I never could see things her way, I'm stubborn, always have been – ask my dad – but it was so exhausting. I'm so tired of fighting over every little thing."

Bucky asked for a table in the corner of the restaurant, the one they usually occupied when they went out because it was out of the way and people left them alone when they sat there. The owners looked the other way for their dog, who was silent and looming and ignored everyone.

"Stupid things," said Tony as they sat down. It was like once he started talking he couldn't stop. "Like how I refused to take a bath with her because I don't do standing water. Or what to have for dinner. And they weren't even normal spats between couples. I mean, they were at first, but later they turned into full on screaming matches over me ordering her broccoli instead of egg rolls from the Chinese Place."

"I don't think I've ever heard you scream," said Steve.

"Yeah well, I don't really enjoy raising my voice in anger," said Tony. "I was taught to not do that so it's hard."

"Then the screaming matches were one sided," reasoned Steve.

"She wasn't this villain you guys paint her out to be," said Tony desperately. "I don't even think she knew what she was doing at first. And there were good times. I'm an adult, I could have left at any time. It's my fault."

"What would you three like to drink?" asked their usual waitress Ella.

"Coffee," said Tony with his press smile.

"Water," said Steve.

"I'll take a fizzy drink," said Bucky. "Surprise me on which one."

"I'll get those right out," said Ella before trouncing away.

"Steve, what do you think looks good?" asked Bucky.

"I'm going with the lunch special," said Steve.

"Oh, I was going to get that!" whined Bucky. "Fine, I'll just have the bacon burger and chips."

"You can have some of my shrimp," offered Steve.

Bucky grinned at Steve while Tony looked on is something akin to jealousy. He wanted that. He wanted a relationship with – like, he meant like – these two where they could joke and offer each other food with no intention of getting something in return. He wanted the not yelling and the talking out problems. He wanted the respect and security and everything else that healthy relationships had.

But that was not for him. He was Tony Stark, Merchant of Death, he destroyed everything good in his path and he would inevitably destroy them. They had to know that. They were like raindrops in his storm of a life, part of billions and unremarkable while he was a hurricane. And it made sense, because hurricanes were named after people and destroyed things and he also left a path of destruction in his wake.

"What are you getting?" asked Steve, turning his smile on Tony, who shook his head to break himself from his captivating thoughts.

"Oh, um, I don't know," said Tony, flustered.

"How about the steak and chips?" suggested Bucky, glancing at the menu. "You always like their steaks. Swear by them, actually."

Tony raised an eyebrow, surprised by the fact that Bucky had not only noticed that Tony almost always ordered the steak here but also that he enjoyed them so much.

When Ella returned with their drinks, Tony shyly ordered the steak. The rest of lunch went off with Tony slowly returning to his chatty self, the one he found so easy to be with Steve and Bucky. By the time they returned back to the Tower it was almost dinner. Bucky and Steve begged off to go do some grocery shopping, something Tony hated doing and avoided at all costs, which was how Tony found himself with an entire evening to himself for the first time (that he wasn't spending working) in a long time.

It started out innocently enough with Tony wanting to watch the newest Star Trek movie, the one that was several years old but he secretly liked to watch at least twice a year. The others weren't even at the Tower. The assassin twins were on top-secret mission (in Peru, not that Tony snooped), Bruce was out on a date with some girl he met online (who Tony was fairly certain was a serial killer), Thor was with Jane, and Steve was with Bucky grocery shopping. Since the break-up, Pepper only came over when business couldn't be handled via phone or email and even then it was under constant supervision by at least one of the other Avengers as JARVIS refused to let her enter without them present, so her absence from the Tower was not a point of interest.

Tony had seen the movie several times. The science was not particularly interesting to him, the graphics were decent but that was it, and the storyline was predictable, but he liked the emotions between the characters. The way Spock and Kirk interacted was fascinating to him and reminded him often of how Steve and him interacted. They fought and snipped and challenged each other but in the moment of crisis, they inevitably had the others back without fail. Bones and Kirk in turn reminded Tony of how he got along with Bucky. Bucky was grumpy (or liked to pretend to be grumpy) and thought Tony childish but the man still cared for him and tried to look after him. Tony, in turn, forced Bucky to socialize and get out there. Natasha acted eerily similar to Uhura, Clint to Scotty, and Thor to Chekov. So Tony watched the movie because he liked the way the people interacted and maybe just a little because they reminded him of his own team.

Light Brigade barked once, right before the elevator doors opened and revealed the missing super soldiers, back from their quest to restock the kitchen. Tony looked up over the edge of the couch but went back to drifting between being awake and being asleep when it looked like they were going to ask him to help out with the putting away of the food.

"Star Trek, really?" commented Bucky when he saw what movie was playing.

Tony mumbled something insecurely and gestured for JARVIS to turn it off, sitting up. Light Brigade growled softly at Bucky as though he knew he was the reason for Tony's mood shifting from relaxed and happy to insecure and afraid.

"Sorry," said Bucky gruffly. "I didn't mean it like that. I was just surprised. I thought you would have hated that movie because of the faulty science."

Tony shrugged, trying to play it off like it didn't matter, not wanting to make the super soldier mad.

"Hey, why don't we continue watching it in our room?" said Steve.

Bucky rolled his eyes, thinking about how smooth Steve was not being with trying to get Tony in bed without actually getting Tony in bed.

"It's okay," said Tony softly. "I have work to do anyway."

"But who else is going to explain what's going on to the old men?" said Bucky, looping his metal arm around Tony's shoulder.

The genius tensed briefly then leaned into the familiar gesture, remembering how often they used to do this Before. It wasn't a big deal, they would never want to date him. They were happily together! Tony knew he would ruin it. But he was a glutton for pain, so he agreed to join them. Maybe he could pretend to fall asleep and they would let him stay; his nightmares were always better when he was with them.

 ***Just for future reference if you feel big enough to send me a mean review at least have the balls to login in so I can respond and help you better understand this story. Always-Ari**


	6. Snuggles

When Tony settled in the center of the bed facing the television, Light Brigade jumped up and flopped down on his back in front of the billionaire, half in his lap and half out, clearly more interested in Tony rubbing his belly than Tony watching the movie. As the super soldiers clambered into bed on either side of him, Tony tensed up and found his hands moving down to smooth down the silky fur on the dogs chest, the repetitive motion grounding. Steve and Bucky both sat against the headboard while Tony stayed firmly in the center of the bed.

"I don't get it," said Bucky about a half hour into the movie, when Tony had finally relaxed enough to join them against the headboard, bracketed by the muscle mass on either side and ball of fur curled up on his feet. "If this is based off of a television show then why did they have to create an alternate universe?"

"Because people get worked up when you change their favorite characters," replied Tony with a poorly concealed yawn. "The best way to avoid any sort of hullabaloo is to create an alternate universe where everything can be similar but any inconsistencies either with the character personalities or with the way the world works can be written off as being part of a different universe."

"But why can't they just make the movie the same as the show if that's what it's based on?" asked Steve.

"It's like reading a book and seeing the movie that is based off the book," said Tony. "Some people can't separate the two things. If they love the book, they hate the movie because it can't include everything the book does. If they love the movie and then read the book, they are disappointed by the book because it doesn't have the same character development the movie does. Movie and books will never match up – remind me to have you read 'Ella Enchanted' and then see the movie – and that bothers some people."

"But it doesn't bother you," said Bucky, reading between the lines. "Just like this movie not matching the show doesn't bother you."

"Correct! Because I can separate the two and appreciate them both for what they are – forms of entertainment. They're just stories, after all, they are meant to take us away from here. Star Trek does that in the show and in the movie. Normally, the movie and the book are both good in their own ways – except "Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter' that book was awesome but the movie was a shit movie all around - but people get so caught up in making them identical they don't realize how boring that would be."

"Hm," said Bucky. "Sounds stupid."

"People are stupid," replied Tony, his eyes drifting shut.

Within minutes, he was fast asleep, curling on his side, knees slightly bent as if he wanted to take up less space, be less of a target, even while sleeping. Steve and Bucky finished the movie and settled down to go to sleep. The bed had more than enough space for all of them to comfortably stretch out but somehow, by the time Tony woke up several hours later, he found himself with his head on Steve's chest and legs entwined with Bucky's while Light Brigade had made himself at home at the foot of the bed. It was warm, but the good type of warm, the type of warm that came from drinking the perfect cup of coffee that was only found at the dingy gas station near Buffalo. Not the type of warm that came from wandering around the desert. But once the desert entered his mind, Tony couldn't banish the thought and suddenly the desert came back in full force, the oppressive heat, the darkness of the cave with its stale air and foreign screams.

Light Brigade sat up and let out a single sharp bark, alerting the two super soldiers to their friend who was quickly slipping into a full blown panic attack.

"Easy," whispered Bucky, metal hand reaching up to run soothingly along Tony's arm. "Easy, you're okay. Deep breaths, nice and slow, you can do it."

Steve moved to fetch a glass of water but Tony made such a small whine of displeasure that he instantly stilled, wrapping his arms firmly around the genius and waiting. Slowly, painfully, Tony calmed down, his breathing evening out and heart rate slowing.

"There we go," praised Bucky softly. "Good job. Want to tell us what happened?"

Tony shook his head, tears of shame burning his eyes. All he really wanted to do was hide between his two best friends and let them handle everything for the day. He had a meeting with Pepper later in the morning about SI and a meeting with a bunch of investors who he hated and normally got out of but hadn't found a valid excuse or someone to replace him who would be just as convincing. He hadn't taken a day just for himself since Before and he just really wanted to pretend for a little while that everything was okay, that the panic attackers weren't becoming more frequent, that the nightmares weren't worse, that he wasn't holding it together through sheer willpower and coffee.

"Do you have anything you need to get done today?" asked Steve, running his fingers through brown locks.

"Yes," mumbled Tony. "Meeting with Pepper and then investors. I have to scare them into giving more money."

"JARVIS, please ask Natasha to cover Tony for today," said Steve. "I think she still knows what to do. Is that okay, Tony?"

Tony nodded.

"Can we just take a day?" asked Tony. "Take a day and not do anything?"

"Sure," said Bucky. "Want to invite the others and just watch movies and play board games?"

Again, Tony nodded, unable to summon the energy to protest.

"Mkay," said Bucky, kissing the back of Tony's head. "Go back to sleep. Steve will take Light Brigade out for you in the morning, we'll start the day of nothing when you wake up."

"It's Steve's dog," said Tony, his heart pounding as he tried to figure out if Bucky meant to kiss him or Steve's hand.

"Sure."

Tony smiled and snuggled down, burrowing into blankets that smelled like Bucky and Steve, and fell asleep. Light Brigade settled back down after Tony was firmly asleep. Steve and Bucky looked at each other over their bedmate.

"We need to talk Bruce into getting Tony to help on a project," said Steve in a voice that only the other super soldier could hear. "Something fun that they can use to bond over."

"And we should ask Natasha to take over most SI duties for a while," agreed Bucky. "Give Tony a break, a chance to actually deal with what happened. He's finally starting to open up, I think he needs time away from work to get his head back on straight."

"He's so cute when he's sleeping," sighed Steve before he blushed fiercely, realizing he said it out loud.

"We should keep him," was all Bucky said in reply.


	7. Rhodey Knows Nothing

Bruce had come to him when Tony was in the kitchen that morning and asked to help him design pants that would fit the Hulk and himself. In theory, all they needed to do was design a better version of spandex but it was the activity itself that was exciting for Tony. He loved a challenge outside of his normal field of work and he liked spending time with Bruce, so he agreed.

"I'll have to tell the super buff brigade that I'm going to help you for a few hours," said Tony. "We agreed to have an easy day today."

"It's fine," said Steve, walking into the kitchen freshly showered after his run. "The point of the day is to do things we find fun. For some reason you like science, so do that. I'm just going to draw for a while and Bucky will probably try to finish 'War and Peace'."

"If you're sure," said Tony slowly.

"It won't take long," said Bruce. "Please Tony? I could really use some pants."

At that, Tony laughed and joined Bruce in the lab.

"Why are we in your lab again?" asked Bruce as Tony moved to an open area to project the bonds between various fabrics.

"Because you're running those nasty tests in yours and quite frankly this is a building project, not a biology project, and I have the stuff to build."

"You also have pets in here and pets make messes."

"Hey, Dummy is house trained, leave him alone!"

"I was meaning Light Brigade."

"What?"

Tony glanced around and found Light Brigade had made himself at home on the ratty old couch in the corner.

"JARVIS, please inform Steve that he is the one who wanted a dog, gave it a stupid name, and now said dog is in my workshop."

"Of course, Sir," said JARVIS.

Tony went back to ignoring the large dog and instead turned all his attention on Bruce, who was explaining that he was not interested in wearing glorified spandex into battle.

"Nothing tight," said Bruce. "Nobody wants a skintight suit on the Other Guy."

"Now I'm just picturing the Hulk in a tux," said Tony, spinning in his chair with a grin on his face, looking more relaxed than he had in ages. "I have to say, that would be a really big tux."

Bruce rolled his eyes but grinned. He had missed working with Tony.

The time flew by and at the end of a few hours they had a prototype in fabrication and were both in good spirits. Bruce begged off joining Tony for a late lunch with the excuse that he was headed to Lima for a few weeks to do some work and needed to pack. Tony wasn't sure he believed the other genius but he wasn't sure he didn't either, so he let Bruce go with little more than a pout, heading to the kitchen himself to see what he could scrounge up.

"Clint made mac and cheese," said Natasha when Tony passed him on his way to the kitchen. "There's some left over in the fridge if you want it."

"Clint makes the best mac and cheese!" declared Tony.

"Yes well that's because he only knows how to make mac and cheese. It's not difficult to perfect your only skill."

"I heard that," called Clint from somewhere in the vents.

Tony laughed but went to the kitchen to get the food; for all that his cooking abilities consisted of habitually burning water, Clint made fantastic mac and cheese. Tony was fairly certain it was the type of noodles he used – the shells, not the elbow noodles.

Something triggered it. He wasn't sure what, probably Natasha walking into the room to place her empty coffee cup in the sink, but one moment Tony was rooting through the shelves of the fridge for the famed mac and cheese and the next it was too difficult to breathe.

Something was crushing his lungs and the air was too thick to fit in his mouth. He was on the ground, backed into that corner where the wall met cabinet, sitting up and still something was crushing his chest. He really needed it to stop, he needed it to go away, it was like after the cave all over again. How had he made it through this – this panic attack, that's what it was! – after the cave? Or New York? Right, Pepper had been there, she made things better. But Pepper wasn't there anymore, he had been too needy and insane and driven her away because he couldn't control it but it really didn't matter because he still couldn't breathe and no one was helping.

"What happened?" demanded Steve, rushing into the room several minutes later to find Tony curled into a tight ball in the corner of the kitchen, wild and terrified and clearly not in the present moment.

"I don't know," said Natasha curtly, several feet away from Tony. "He was fine and then he wasn't, I don't know what triggered it."

"Colonel Rhodes is about to arrive," announced JARVIS.

Moments later the elevator dinged and James Rhodes entered at a swift trot, bypassing all the Avengers to kneel before the one on the ground.

"Tones, I need your eyes on me," said Rhodey in a soft yet firm tone. "Come on, eyes on me genius, that's it."

"Rh-rh-rhodey?" panted Tony, his eyes flickering to the colonel breifly before scanning the room again in search of danger.

"Nope, eyes on me and they stay on me," said Rhodey. "You know this, Tony. Come on."

It took several tries and the instant anyone moved Tony would be set off again but eventually his eyes settled on his long time best friend.

"There we go," encouraged Rhodey. "You back with us?"

Tony nodded, not taking his eyes off the other man's face, his breathing still harsh and uneven, his face too pale, but he was breathing and his eyes were clearer than they had been a few minutes before.

"Wanna tell me what triggered it?" asked Rhodey in a whisper.

Tony shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm in New York for a few days and thought I'd drop by," said Rhodey easily, offering a hand to help Tony up off the floor. "You still have that room for me or are you gonna make me stay in a hotel?"

"Actually your room is currently under construction," said Tony guiltily. "There was a bit of an accident in that area a few months back and progress has been slow going since it turns out that most construction crews only work Tuesdays and bank holidays."

"What did you blow up this time?" groaned Rhodey, making sure Tony was seated at the island before going to the fridge, still ignoring the other Avengers.

"He didn't," said Bucky darkly from where he was leaning against the door frame. "The Hulk needed immediate release and the guest wing was closest."

"That's strange," said Rhodey mildly, scooping two bowls of mac and cheese up to warm in the microwave. "Why didn't you tell me, Tony?"

Tony shrugged, mumbling something about work and overseas and the military being controlling.

"Where's Pepper?" asked Rhodey. "She always tells me about this stuff since you never deem it necessary."

Everyone in the kitchen froze as realization sunk in.

Rhodey didn't know.

Tony hadn't told him.

And when Rhodey turned back to set a steaming bowl of joy in the form of cheese and pasta, the confused look on his face destroyed Tony's tumaltuous grasp on serenity and sent him tumbling back into a panic, running out of the room until he found a safe place on the huge L shaped couch in the living room, Light Brigade instantly jumping onto the couch to join him, curling protectively around Tony.

"What happened?" said Rhodey, glaring at the other Avengers as if it was their fault his best friend was hiding and scared.

"Dibs!" yelled Clint, dropping out of the vents and landing on the kitchen floor with a soft thud, evil grin on his face. "I get to tell Rhodey!"

"I have SI business to attend to," said Natasha loftily. "Pepper is in her office."

"Tell me what?" demanded Rhodey.

"Let's go take care of our guy," said Bucky, pulling on Steve's arm.

"Wait, you what do you mean 'your guy'?" growled Rhodey. "What the hell happened the last six months I was gone?"

"Come on, Colonel," said Clint brightly. "I'll explain everything. Bucky and Steve have got Tony. Trust me, I'll let you give them the shovel talk after."

"After what?!"


	8. Overprotective

After Clint finished speaking Rhodey was silent, standing in the little used office on the Avengers floor, processing the information.

He wanted Clint to be wrong, to be lying, confused, anything but correct. But he also knew he wasn't. And it wasn't because he trusted Clint, because he knew the archer was a good warrior but trusting anyone with his best friend was difficult for Rhodey – which was also a reason why the colonel wanted so badly for what Clint had just told him to be false. Because he did trust Pepper.

Yet he trusted Tony more and he had seen how Tony reacted in the kitchen. The billionaire had a flair for the dramatics but he couldn't fake a panic attack like that.

And it would have been so easy to slip in and undermine the mans confidence. He knew his best friend and he knew how little Tony really thought of himself. It would have been simple. And Tony never would have fought back because he would have truly believed he deserved it.

"Where is she?" said Rhodey calmly.

"In her office," replied Clint with a smile.

"Why the hell is she still working for SI?"

"Because she's good at her job and Tony hasn't been in the place to take over again."

Rhodey nodded; he knew that even if Tony could take over he wouldn't because he wasn't interested in running his company, he just wanted to make it better.

"I'm going to go talk to her," said Rhodey.

"Yes!" cheered Clint, punching the air with his fist.

Rhodey turned and headed to the office he was looking for. He remembered the last person close to Tony who betrayed him. That person had ended up dead and as much as Rhodey hated Tony getting hurt, he hoped it ended up better for Pepper because no matter what they said, he still didn't want to believe that Pepper was capable of that.

-Minefields-

He wasn't sure how he ended up wearing Bucky's sweat shirt but he didn't question too much because he could feel his mind teetering on the edge of panic and knew that if he delved too deep then he would drop back in to that black pit and he wouldn't be able to claw his way out again. So he let the sweatshirt stay, enjoying the familiar smell that came with it that was part metal, crisp cool air, a hint of Steve (because everything Bucky owned smelled a little like Steve) and something that was entirely Bucky. Light Brigade was in his lap, curled up and entirely too large to be a lap dog but Tony didn't push him away; he liked the comforting weight of the dog and the way he seemed to glare at anything that made Tony jump.

Bucky was sitting on the ground in front of Tony, seemingly absorbed in the mindless television show while Steve sat on the armchair nearby. Light Brigade at refused to let the other men join them on the couch after Tony flinched when they tried and while neither super soldier would admit to being afraid of getting bitten by a dog, neither one argued with their new spots.

"Hey Tones," said Rhodey, entering the room what seemed like hours later.

The colonel joined Tony on the couch with no repercussions and Steve had to fight down jealousy at the easy way Tony curled into Rhodey's side. No hesitation, no stiffening in fear, the genius just flopped against him as if it were the most natural thing in the world.

"Wanna explain to my why you didn't tell me about everything?" asked Rhodey softly.

"Didn't want you to hate me," admitted Tony, too tired from the emotional turmoil of having multiple panic attacks in a short span of time to lie. "Didn't want you to hate her."

"Okay," said Rhodey slowly. "Well you're an idiot. If I don't hate you for that time in college when-"

"That was one time and your record was cleared almost immediately!"

"Then I don't hate you now."

Bucky snorted at the bluntness, deciding he liked this man who didn't take any of Tony's bull shit.

"Don't hate me?" said Tony.

"Nope. Now what is this I hear about you snagging the interest of the two resident super soldiers?" asked Rhodey.

Steve choked on his water but Bucky grinned. Yup, he approved of Rhodey.

"Not true," said Tony quietly. "They're together."

"And they called you their man," teased Rhodey lightly.

"They're right there," hissed Tony, butting his head against Rhodey's shoulder. "They'll here you and think I'm trying to ruin their relationship and they'll leave."

"Tell you what," said Rhodey quietly, eying the men around them who were pretending not to listen but still listening in. "Why don't we watch Mulan, get drunk off our asses, and then play Cards Against Humanity?"

"That's why you're my favorite," said Tony with a grin.

"I know," said Rhodey. "Now go get your good stash, the one I know you hide in your closet."

Tony grumbled but stumbled out of the room, Light Brigade close behind.

Rhodey turned to the two men in front of him, his face turning serious.

"If you two are fucking with Tony I swear I will kill you both with my bare hands," Rhodey practically growled. "Now tell me exactly what your intentions are with him."

"We plan on dating him," said Bucky bluntly. "If he's interested, that is."

"No," said Rhodey.

"We weren't asking your permission," said Bucky, his face darkening.

"What Bucky means is that we understand your hesitance to let anyone date Tony, especially with what happened with Pepper but –"

"No," said Rhodey. "You misunderstand me. Tony is difficult at the best of times. He'll be downright impossible right now. And he talks about you two all the time. If anyone can handle him right now, it's you two. What I'm saying no to is you leaving when it gets hard. Everyone leaves him. And I can't be around all the time – clearly since I wasn't around to stop this – but I need to know that this won't happen again while I'm away. So no, no dating Tony."

"We're not leaving," said Steve, chin stuck out stubbornly.

"And you've been doing a fine job for someone who claims to be his best friend," said Bucky. "Where were you when he spent that entire first week after the breakup hiding in the workshop and wouldn't eat anything but pancakes Steve made? Where were you when he had nightmares and would only sleep during movie night, surrounded by his team? You haven't been here for any of that, so you don't really get a say in this."

"I missed six months of his life," said Rhodey, glaring at Bucky. "You've missed everything else. You didn't meet him as a 14 year old drunk off his ass at a college party. You weren't there for his parents death, for Jarvis's death, for Afghanistan, none of it. Did you know I talk to that kid every other night at 7pm, no matter what time it is where I am? Why? Because he is the most important person in my life. I have and will kill for him and if you hurt him I will end you both. Do I make myself clear?"

"If we hurt him I will find you myself so you can kill us," said Bucky.

"Good."


	9. Going Where

Pepper knew she had made a mistake.

She hadn't meant to hurt Tony, not at first at least. He could just be so frustrating. Still, she truly hadn't set out to hurt him. It wasn't like she woke up in the morning and thought, "How can I cause my boyfriend the most pain today?". She wasn't evil or sadistic or crazy, she just didn't know how to handle Tony anymore and had made a mistake. She thought the others understood that, so when Rhodey had walked into her office she hadn't been concerned.

"I didn't realize you were coming to visit," said Pepper with a smile when Rhodey entered her office. "How have you been, Rhodey?"

"Don't you 'Rhodey' me," snapped Rhodey, glaring at her in a way that she had never seen. "Sit your ass down and explain why I have a best friend upstairs who is currently having a panic attack and a team of super heros who want nothing more than to destroy you but haven't because Tony won't let them."

"You have got to be kidding me," groaned Pepper, putting her head in her hands for a moment before sitting back up. "Look, it's not what you think. You know how Tony exaggerates. We broke up, he didn't take it well. The others are upset that he's upset. The end. Please, let's not make this into some high school drama."

"Wrong answer," growled Rhodey. "I gave you one shot to answer me truthfully and you blew it."

"I am telling the truth!" snapped Pepper, never one to be intimidated by a low voice. "Tony and I fought all the time, you knew that. You can't pretend he is so perfect and innocent because you know him better than anyone!"

"Clint got to tell me what happened," said Rhodey coldly. "He showed me the security feed for several months, the feed that JARVIS had backed up on an external drive in case anything happened to the original. I'm glad he did because when I searched for the rest of it, it was gone, mysteriously deleted. But I saw enough. Pepper, what did you do?"

"I didn't mean to hurt him! He can just be so frustrating."

"That doesn't mean you get to tear him down and force him into submission!"

"I wasn't-"

"No. I didn't come here to listen to you justify your behavior. I came here to inform you that your services will no longer be required here in New York. You have been transferred to Stark Industries new medical section where you will work. A temporary replacement has been assigned and if you have any questions, comments, or concerns you may direct them to her. You will not speak to Tony again, you will not speak to the press about Tony, you will not even have thoughts about Tony. Do you understand me?"

"You don't have the power to do this and I know Tony would never reassign me."

"Tony wouldn't because he truly loved you and wanted you to be happy but the cost was him and if you read the fine print then you will find that I have totally power to reassign anyone in the company. Tony put that in place years ago to make sure that should anything happen to him – I think he was thinking kidnapping or mind control – then I could clean up any messes he made. So here I am, cleaning up this mess you made. Your bags are packed."

Pepper wanted to argue, put up more of a fight, but she knew she couldn't win, not against Rhodey and not about Tony. When Pepper had first met Rhodey, it had been a nightmare. The man had grilled her harder than Tony had when he initially interviewed her for her spot as assistant. It was intimidating to meet the person her boss spoke so highly of and Rhodey made it very clear that just because Tony liked her didn't mean she was in his good graces. Eventually, however, Rhodey had come around and together they had made a formidable team. Now that was over.

"I didn't mean for this to happen," whispered Pepper, looking down at her hands.

"Doesn't matter."

Pepper nodded. "I'll be out by the end of the day."

"You'll be out by the end of the hour."

Then Rhodey had walked out, presumably to go back to Tony, leaving Pepper to scramble to clean up her belongings because Rhodey had been more than generous with giving her an hour but she didn't think for one second that meant he wouldn't have dire consequences in place the moment her hour was finished.

-Minefields-

The knock on their door at two in the morning was not expected but also not a shock. People tended to just burst into whatever room they wanted – except the workshop because that was against the rules – so it was the knock that was the surprise, not the late hour.

"Tony?" said Steve, yawning as he opened the door. "What's up?"

"Let's go to Oklahoma," said Tony, only his hands twisting in his shirt betraying his nerves, the rest of his voice and demeanor appeared totally calm and in control.

"Why? What's in Oklahoma?"

"Absolutely nothing, that's the beauty of it," said Tony, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "There is nothing in Oklahoma. They have a basketball team now and some buildings. I hear there are farms and cows and that the people are friendly. Like weirdly friendly. And no one goes there unless they need to, which means no one will be there. So let's go, you, Bucky, and me."

"When?"

"Right now."

"Bucky is sleeping. We should be sleeping."

"Fine. Then in the morning. Let's go in the morning."

"Okay."

They stood for a moment just staring at each other in the partially darkened hallway.

"Well, I'm going to go now, I guess," said Tony. "See you in the morning."

"Goodnight, Tony," said Steve.

Tony rushed back to his suite where Rhodey was waiting for him.

"So did you tell them?" asked Rhodey, lounging on the couch. "Did you tell them how much you love them?"

"Shut up," grumbled Tony, throwing himself on the couch next to Rhodey with a groan.

"You didn't, did you?" teased Rhodey. "You chickened out."

"I asked them to go on a trip with me," admitted Tony. "They should be able to read between the lines from that. Are you sure this was a good idea? Rhodey, they are in a relationship. I can't ruin that."

"Relax," said Rhodey soothingly. "I wouldn't have forced you to do this if I wasn't sure. Trust me. So where are you going?"

"Oklahoma."

"Oklahoma?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I panicked! It slipped out! Steve answered the door all sleepy and adorable and I wasn't prepared for that and I panicked and asked him and Bucky to go to Oklahoma with me. I'm hopeless. This was a horrible idea. I hate you."

"No, you love me."

Rhodey's phone buzzed that tone that meant the military wanted him back. Tony hated that tone. That tone meant his best friend was leaving again.

"Sorry," said Rhodey.

"Whatever," said Tony as flippantly as possible while inside he was ashamed to admit that he didn't want Rhodey to go again because when Rhodey was gone no one was there to ground him, keep him safe, watch his back and talk him down from his crazy ideas.

"Hey," said Rhodey softly. "I don't have to go. Not yet. I'll work it out, I am due for extra time off."

"It's fine," said Tony. "I'm a big boy, Honey Bear, I can take care of myself. I'm leaving for Oklahoma in the morning anyway. Don't worry. Go back to your mistress."

"You know you're the only one for me," said Rhodey cheekily. "Have fun in Oklahoma."

"Have fun following orders."


	10. All About the Food

Tony rented them a house near downtown Oklahoma City when they arrived instead of a hotel room. Bucky didn't know why and when Steve asked Tony had explained that since the dog insisted on coming they needed a yard for the beast. It sounded like a silly reason but no one argued.

The house was set up in an old, historic neighborhood, one with rules about how high a fence could be and what color a house could be painted, one of those neighborhoods that had houses that didn't match because they were built at different times, not by a developer. There were old trees towering in every yard and grass that Tony was fairly convinced was used to form pillows – but only in certain lawns, other lawns had a sorry excuse for dry, dead things. Light Brigade liked the house and inspected every room before curling up in front of the back door and taking a nap.

Bucky and Steve placed their bags in the master bedroom while Tony took over the third floor which could have been a ballroom if people still had balls. It was large and open and had its own bathroom, so the genius was content. After settling in, they met up downstairs in the kitchen.

"So what should we do for lunch?" asked Steve excitedly.

"We just had breakfast," grumbled Tony.

"No, you had breakfast on the jet. Some of us got up at a reasonable hour and ate like a normal person."

"Semantics," said Tony, waving his hand.

"So are there any good places to eat around here?" asked Bucky, looking at Steve for an answer.

"I don't know," said Steve. "I've never been here. Oklahoma isn't exactly a hot spot for attacks."

"That's not actually true," said Tony with a yawn. He was exhausted from staying up all night talking to Rhodey before the colonel had to ship out again. "Their air force base is always a point of contention and they did have that one bombing back in 1995 which is still the worst attack on American soil by an American in modern history. So I wouldn't discount it completely."

"How do you know these things?" asked Bucky, amazed at how many facts Tony actually had stored away in his brain.

"Genius."

"So…food?"

"I think there's a burger place downtown that only stays open until two but has burgers to die for," said Tony. "Let's go there."

The billionaire was right. The burgers were amazing. The joint was a bit shady looking at first glance, tucked onto a side street just outside of the main area across from a police station. The booths were cracked and faded, the menu stained with grease, but the service was good, the food was amazing, and the company was great. It was the first time in ages that the three of them had managed to go out to eat and not have people trying to sneak pictures of them or interrupting their meal. Either the people in Oklahoma didn't recognize them, didn't care, or were actually as generally polite as their reputation claimed. Whatever it was, all three were grateful to be able to pretend that they were normal for a while – whatever that meant.

After lunch they walked around the Oklahoma City Memorial, quietly reading the names of the survivors and then looking at each chair on the lawn.

"Why are they different sizes?" asked Bucky as they strolled casually along side the close cut green grass.

"The big ones are for the adults that died," said a young woman who was just passing them, her brown hair in a messy ponytail, looking like she was in a rush, though she took the time to stop and talk to them. "The little ones are for the children. They are placed based on the floor they were on at the time."

"Oh," said Steve, unsure of how to react to the situation. "Thank you."

"No problem," said the girl with a bright smile. "If you have any other questions, just let me know."

With that, the girl marched purposefully off the walk and onto the grass.

"Is she allowed to do that?" whispered Bucky. "I don't think people are allowed on the grass."

The girl knelt down on the ground next to a small chair not far from the three men.

"Hey kiddo," said the girl softly – though not too quiet that the super soldiers couldn't hear her - one hand resting on the chair. "Sorry it's been a while. I went by your grave last week but I thought your chair could use some love."

The girl went into a brief explanation of what she had been up to, what other people had been doing, and how much the child would have loved the weather.

"So I'm also thinking about visiting New York," said the girl. "I want to do something crazy while I'm there. I know, I always do something crazy when I travel but I can't help it, I need to have lots of stories to tell you when I see you again. Alright, well, I should be going, I'll come back later."

Rising, the girl turned to make her way out and saw the three men staring at her.

"Hello again," said the girl with a shy smile. "Sorry about that. I know, I look crazy and I know he's not there – it's just a chair – but still."

"Who is he?" asked Tony kindly, stepping forward.

"My best friend as a kid," said the girl. "We went to day care together. I was sick the day of the bomb, my house shook. He wasn't sick, he was here, and now he's gone."

"I'm sorry," said Tony, truly sounding sorry.

"Don't worry about it," said the girl. "It was a long time ago."

"I'm still sorry that it happened, that you had to experience such a loss so young."

"Thank you," said the girl. "It took me a long time to come to terms with it. Some days it's still hard to understand why I was spared. But it got better and I realized that the best thing I can do is live my life to the fullest, try everything I possibly can because those kids, they didn't get that chance."

"My name is Tony," said Tony. "It's been a pleasure to meet you."

"Shane," said the girl. "It's nice to meet you too. Well, I have to be off. But it really was nice to meet you."

"Wait, Shane," said Tony. "I'm sorry but do you have any suggestions for a place to eat dinner for a couple of out-of-towners?"

"You should try Cattlemen's," said Shane. "It's in the Stockyards across the river. Best stake there is, great service, a little pricey but totally worth it."

"Thank you."

"No problem. So you aren't from around here? That's fun. Listen, I really do have to go but let me give you my number and you can call or text if you need anything while you're here."

Shane quickly programmed her number into Tony's phone and left with a quick goodbye.

"She was nice," said Steve when they were once again meandering their way back to their house.

"Yeah," said Bucky, throwing a casual arm over Tony's shoulders, dragging the man closer. "Giving you her number like that. So kind. Hitting on you, more like."

"Wow, you both are so out of touch," said Tony. "She gave me her number, not the other way around, which means her offer was genuine. If she wanted to take it further she would have made sure to get mine in return."

Steve laughed and sandwiched Tony between Bucky and himself, kissing the top of the billionaires head.

"Good," said Bucky, leaning impossibly closer. "Because the only one I want hitting on you besides me is Steve."


	11. Parks

In the end they decided to try the suggested steakhouse. It wasn't a far drive from where they were staying and though they did have to wait because the place refused to take reservations the waiting area was nice and the company was good.

"I had a pet fish," said Tony when they were finally seated at a table and had given their orders. "His name was Papa Jr. There was no Papa Senior. That's just what his name was. I didn't name him, either, but that's not important. He was a pompous little brat of a fish that refused to die no matter how terrible of an owner I was and trust me when I tell you that I was a terrible owner. I can't even keep a cactus alive and yet that fish lived in my apartment bedroom for three years, four months, and five days."

"Impressive," said Bucky. "I didn't think you ever had a pet."

"I didn't growing up," said Tony absently. "Howard didn't allow pets because they are dirty. I got him the day my parents died as a sort of 'fuck you too' in their memory."

"Oh," said Steve. "Why didn't you get another pet after the fish died?"

"Because I had a company and life and some people did not appreciate my fish staring at them when they were naked. I tried to explain that the fish didn't understand that they were naked – hell fish are naked and don't give a damn about us staring at them- but some people are weird."

"I guess it would be a bit strange if Light Brigade watched us in bed," said Steve.

"No, it wouldn't be weird until we tried to touch Tony, then it would be weird," said Bucky. "That dog would kill us for touching his human."

"It's Steve's dog!" exclaimed Tony, ignoring the heavy hints Bucky was dropping because no, there was no way he was that lucky.

"But you're his human," said Bucky.

Tony had nothing to say to that wished he had come up with something better to talk about besides his fish. Steve seemed to sense his discomfort and quickly changed the subject, starting in on old stories from the past, well before Tony was born. Those stories continued throughout dinner, easily letting Tony slip back into his usual comfort that came with these two men. By the time the three of them were back at the neighborhood taking Light Brigade for a walk in the crisp night air it seemed like no moment in time could possibly be better than that moment, like they were in their own world where nothing else could intrude, no bad things could happen.

"Tony?" said Steve quietly when they reached a park and let Light Brigade off the leash to run around.

"Yeah?" said Tony, watching the dog carefully, almost protectively, as if afraid he would run away and never come back – which was a silly thing to fear since it was Steve's dog, not his.

"I need to talk to Bucky alone for a minute," said Steve. "We'll be just over there, okay?"

"Sure," said Tony, his heart dropping. "I'll be on this bench. I have things I need to check on anyway."

Steve dragged Bucky off before the other could protest. They walked down a path until they were standing by some swings, far enough away for privacy but close enough that they could both still see Tony tapping away at his phone on the bench.

"What?" said Bucky a little harshly.

"Tony scares me," said Steve.

"What?" said Bucky, this time in surprise.

"Tony scares me," repeated Steve. "He scares me because he's a mystery and the most certain thing I've ever had – save you. He's reckless and crass and entirely too caring where he should be cold and insecure where he should be jaded. He should be so jaded, Bucky; the world and his life has given him every reason to be jaded. But he's not, he's scared and scarred and he doesn't believe in the power of a good nights sleep over a cup of coffee. He's the type of person who rides the highs that rival space and the lows that approach via cliffs. He's passionate and guarded and his eyes could swallow galaxies. He terrifies me and it scares me even more that I'm in love with him.

"I'm in love with him, Bucky, and I'm in love with you, and I know I should want both of you but I can't help it and I'm not being fair to you."

"Hey, relax punk," said Bucky soothingly, stepping into Steve's space and taking him in his arms. "It's okay. I know. Tony has that effect on me too."

"He does?" said Steve, pulling back slightly to look at Bucky. "You're not just saying that?"

"Have you met that infuriating bastard?" said Bucky with a smirk. "We never stood a chance. I've known it for ages, punk. Now we just need to convince him that we would never hurt him."

"You really want to do this?" said Steve. "You are willing to try all of us together?"

"Steve, I love you," said Bucky seriously. "You know that. You've known that since we were kids and that's never going to change. But Tony, I see the way you look at him and I know how I look at him. We both want this and quite frankly, I'm pretty positive he wants this too."

Steve smiled that smile that could melt an iceberg and kissed Bucky hard – all teeth and tongue and love. When they pulled apart they turned and walked back to Tony.

"Everything alright in paradise?" asked Tony, not looking up from his phone when they reached him.

"Yes," said Steve,

"Let's go watch some shitty movies," said Bucky, plucking the phone out of the billionaires hands and slipping it into his own back pocket.

"Hey!" protested Tony, making grabby hands at Bucky. "Mine! Give it back!"

"We're on a trip," said Bucky, smiling and yanking Tony up. "The rest of the world can wait."

Tony grumbled but whistled and Light Brigade came running back and wormed his way between Tony and Bucky to trot next to Tony. Bucky couldn't even be mad because the dog was so adorable the way he had attached himself to Tony.

It was well after midnight when the door to Bucky and Steve's bedroom burst open and Tony ran in. The super soldiers barely had time to register that it wasn't a threat before Tony threw himself into Steve's arms, sobbing and shaking.

"Make it stop," begged Tony, hysterical and mostly asleep. "Please. You have to make it stop."

"Make what stop, baby?" asked Steve, sitting up slightly while Tony did his best baby koala impersonation.

"Her! Make her stop!" screamed Tony. "Please! I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Sh," said Bucky, sliding over so he was pressed against Tony's back, effectively pinning the genius between the two soldiers. "You're safe. You're okay. We've got you."

It took several minutes before Tony was aware enough of his surroundings to actually realize it had just been a dream. When he finally did understand where he was he felt embarrassed that he had run into Bucky and Steve's room like a scared child.

"I'm sorry," sniffed Tony, trying to disentangle himself from the other men unsuccessfully. "Sorry, I shouldn't have barged in. I'll just – um – yeah – I'm going to go."

"No," said Steve. "Stay."

"But-"

"Nope," said Bucky, nudging his chin up against Tony's back, nosing the rough brown locks curled at the back of his neck. "No buts. You're here. You stay. We sleep. Them the rules."

Tony shook his head and tried to squirm away again which only encouraged the other males to tighten their hold on him.

"Sleep," said Steve.

"Don't worry, you're not going anywhere," said Bucky.

Light Brigade ran into the room and jumped on the edge of the bed and settled down on Tony's feet. The warm weight seemed to calm the genius and after several tense minutes Tony slipped into a light doze.

"This is going to be difficult, isn't it?" whispered Steve, his heartbeat steady under Tony's ear.

"Mhm," agreed Bucky absently, his metal arm smoothing up and down Tony's side. "But worth it."


	12. Fluff

Steve got up early and made breakfast. When he slipped from the bed, Bucky woke briefly, grumbled at him for the early hour and then promptly went back to sleep. Tony didn't even stir. Light Brigade followed Steve to go outside.

The house remained silent for some time until finally Bucky and Tony wandered downstairs, properly woken by the smell of bacon and coffee. After three cups and four strips of bacon, Tony had woken up enough to look at his phone and find that he had missed a call from Clint. Without much thought, he put it on speaker and pressed play, resting his head on his arms, ready to ignore whatever Clint had to say.

"Hey Tony, it's me, Clint, you know, your favorite archer slash only archer slash coolest person you know. You really should learn to pick up your phone so I don't have to keep leaving you these epic voicemails, but maybe you secretly enjoy my messages and that's why you always ignore my calls. At any rate, I called to tell you a story.

"Okay, so there I was in the public bathroom on the toilet just doing my business when this guy walks in and tries to open my stall door. I mean, it's clearly locked, the only thing that would make it more clear is to have a flashing neon sign over it saying, "THIS STALL IS TAKEN! FIND A DIFFERENT ONE!" But does the idiot do that? No! He peeks through that gap between the door and wall and makes eye contact! Fucking eye contact! I mean, who does that? So, what do I do, you ask? Well, since you asked, I flashed him my 100 watt smile-yeah, I know, I'm already flashing him something else-and am all-

"Hey, you've got beautiful eyes," real creepy like and I wink, trying to get him to leave.

"Apparently that was the wrong thing to do because this bastard strikes up a conversation! He goes into the stall next to mine and starts talking as if we're best friends!

"He's like, 'Hey! So don't you hate that awkward silence that happens when you're trying to poop with a stranger next to you and you don't want them to hear you going?'

"Of course, I don't respond so I can hear the little splooshes of his poop nuggets hitting the water, which is gross but I'm like a ten year old who finds that funny as hell. Anyway, so he doesn't get the hint and continues talking!

"He says, 'Oh, I see what you did there. Hey did you know that in some country-I think it's Japan-they have this button you can push that will make noises like a waterfall of cow or something for like 30 seconds so you can do your business in peace. Well, maybe not a cow sound because do they even have cows in Japan? I don't know, but it makes noise is the point.'

"And seriously, the only thing I'm thinking is, Idiot! They have McDonalds in Japan, of course they have cows! They're not going to import the meat! But of course I don't say that because it wouldn't be socially acceptable and we all know that I'm driver of the socially acceptable bandwagon. But really, who asks if there are cows in Japan while on the toilet, talking to a nonresponsive stranger in the stall next door? I mean, for all he knows I could have had a heart attack or stroke or aneurism or something and died! That would just add a whole new level of awkwardness to the situation. Then he'd be in a public bathroom, on the toilet, talking to a complete stranger, both of you with your pants around your ankles, and that stranger would be dead.

"Tony, if I died on the toilet I really hope they don't put that on my tombstone. But I'm getting off topic here. Back to the bathroom.

"Finally, I just flush the toilet to shut him up and as I'm leaving he yells, 'Have a nice day!' and I'm like, 'Okay….'

"Oh, and it turns out it was Japan that has the sound buttons in the bathrooms, I looked it up. Okay, well, have fun with the Buff Brigade!"

The voicemail ended and all three men stared at the phone in confusion.

"I'm switching Clint to decaf after 6pm," declared Steve.

"That's because you're the devil," replied Tony.

Steve raised an eyebrow at the genius but chose not to comment.

"So what are we going to do today?" asked Bucky.

"The zoo!" said Tony, his face lighting up hopefully. "I hear they have a kick ass elephant enclosure. Seriously, I looked at pictures, it's amazing. I'm pretty sure they are planning on making a monopoly on the elephant exhibit market. They are hoarding those creatures and gathering more from other places."

"What would be the point in taking over all the captive elephants?" asked Bucky.

"Cuteness domination! Baby elephants are the cutest little things ever to exist and that includes blushing Steve."

"What about pandas?" asked Steve, blushing at the compliment. "Pandas are pretty adorable."

"Pandas are an evolutionary dead end. They have opposable thumbs but do nothing with them except eat. And they eat the least nutritious diet ever. And they have to be forced to reproduce. They have so much potential and they waste it! I'm pretty sure that humans are the pandas of the universe."

"We're evolutionary dead ends?"

"No, the aliens look on us and say, 'How cute! They have such potential and they are wasting it but damn they are adorable.'"

Bucky laughed, yawned, then stood up.

"Okay, zoo it is," said Bucky. "But first a shower. Anyone care to join me?"

Tony blushed and looked down at the table, instantly closing off to the world like a door slamming shut. Steve shook his head, indicating that he was going to stay with Tony and work on opening him back up. It was like taking three steps forward and two and a half steps back but they were slowly making progress.

"Okay," said Bucky with a shrug. "If Clint calls again, ignore it and save the voicemail. I don't want to miss that. Be done in ten.


	13. And It was Red

The zoo was a hit. Tony ran around like a little kid, bouncing from exhibit to exhibit, exclaiming about how cool each animal was, naming them things that were definitely not their names, and then rattling off various obscure facts about the animals. Steve and Bucky just followed along and soaked up this side of Tony, the side they were pretty sure only Colonel Rhodes had seen before.

"Do you think he's ever had a boyfriend before?" asked Steve as they looked at the tiger, Tony leaning as far over the rail as he could to get a better look.

"If you're talking about me, yes, I have," called Tony over his shoulder. "It didn't end well."

Steve paused. Tony didn't seem mad or upset or even offended; he seemed as relaxed as he had been since they arrived.

"What happened?" asked Steve.

"He drowned in a bowl of lime jello," said Tony. "The papers reported it as natural causes, but I know the truth. I was 17 and he was 19, the first guy I met who even came close to my level of intelligence. Lime is the worst flavor of jello, so green and sour while trying to be sweet, it overwhelms your tongue and makes you wonder who would ever think it was a good idea to make lime a jello flavor.

"How did he drown in jello?" asked Bucky.

"The authorities, when they arrived, tried not to laugh because the situation, while morbid, was funny," replied Tony, more lost in thought than anything else, as if he had forgotten anyone was listening, busy reflecting on a time years ago. "There he sat at the scarred kitchen table in his tattered blue boxers that said 'Game on!', face-down in a bowl of partially liquefied green sugary mess. The autopsy came back inconclusive but I know what happened. I told him the jello wasn't for him but he ate it anyway. The saran wrap that had been placed in the middle never touched his teeth and stuck in his throat because who chews jello? I told him the jello wasn't for him, or was it the tomatoes I said were off limits?"

"Tony?" asked Steve cautiously. "Did you kill your boyfriend?"

"What?" asked Tony, turning to Steve and jerking out of his thoughts. "No. I'm not crazy. I don't even make jello. Jello is gross. His ex-girlfriend made it."

"You probably should have started with that, darlin'," said Bucky with a grin. "It sounded like you were the one who killed him."

"I don't hurt the people I care about," replied Tony darkly.

He wandered off into the bamboo forest that wound through the cat area, leaving the two super soldiers to either follow or get left behind. The opted to follow, catching up with Tony just outside of the zoo gates and piling into the car together. Steve was the driver, Bucky up front next to him, and Tony settled in the back behind Bucky.

The zoo was right across from a horse racing track.

"We should totally go there!" said Tony excitedly, pointing out the window at the massive structure while Steve drove. "We could dress up and everything! I've always wanted to do that, go to a horse race in old timey clothes and make posh conversation. Pepper thought it was stupid."

"Maybe we can go tomorrow," offered Steve, glancing in the rearview mirror in time to see Tony smile a little hopefully. "I haven't dressed up in a while. Could be fun."

Before Tony could respond, there was an earsplitting screech and jolt before their rented car was tumbling and spinning off course – which was strange because Tony knew Steve was a responsible driver when he had passengers. Especially if one of those passengers was Bucky. Steve never drove crazy when Bucky was involved.

Next thing Tony knew, there was red and someone was screaming – he thought it might be Bucky - but sirens were drowning out the words and the red was drowning out the sirens. Something was crushing his chest but not in the way that the arc reactor used to do and it hurt his ears more than his cries – which didn't make any sense but it was happening. But then Bucky – it was totally Bucky - shut up and that was black – Tony was pretty sure it was black – and made him wish for the noise to distract from all the red.

There was a lot a red. Too much red. No one should ever be surrounded by that much red – and that was coming from Iron Man, the red and gold boy wonder.

But then Tony was moving – at least he thought he was moving, it was rather difficult to tell what was actually moving and what was just in his head - and it filled his vision with blue but that was the sky because Tony was still red. Something started poking him but it was dull and all the red blocked it out. And suddenly Tony missed the black of the ground because black hid the red so much better but it also reminded him of the screaming stopped. Something else poked him but all Tony could see was still red and the red was swallowing him so he couldn't tell where he was going but he knew he was alone.

Then the black at the corners of his eyes began fighting the red that surrounded his vision and brain but the red was winning and Tony didn't know who to cheer for. Because he was red though he could have sworn he wore white that morning.


	14. Break Out

Tony had explained to them one drunken night that his mother had been beautiful when she was young but by the time he came around life or her husband – he wasn't sure which – had sapped the beauty from her. It was strange, but sitting in the waiting room of the hospital, staring at the faded mustard yellow walls, Steve couldn't help but think that those walls must be similar to Tony's mother. They had to have been pretty at one point but had long ago lost their appeal and it seemed no one had the heart or time to change them. Or perhaps no one noticed anymore.

"He's going to be fine," said Bucky, pacing back and forth, his forehead held together by a thick bandage, the rest of his bruises already fading from sight.

"Yeah," said Steve dully because there was nothing else to say; they both knew that the only thing they could be certain of was the fact that Tony was not fine.

"Family of Tony Stark?" called a doctor, not looking up from his notes because if he had he would have known that the long term waiting room – the one with the ugly yellow walls that they shoved those waiting for people in surgery – was occupied by only two men.

"How is he?" asked Steve, standing up.

"I'm sorry," said the doctor, looking around the room for the first time. "I can only offer that information to those he has listed in his file. Are either of you James Rhodes, Steve Rogers, or James Barnes?"

"I'm Steve Rogers," said Steve instantly.

"I'm James Barnes," said Bucky. "How is he?"

"He'll live," said the doctor. "He's very lucky or very stubborn, I'm not sure which it is, but he held on after massive blood loss and flat lining on the table twice. Several broken bones, many stitches, a mild concussion, and hours later, Mr. Stark is alive and resting. You may see him for a short time if you like."

"Thank you," said Steve. "Is there any way we could take him home? He would have access to a doctor but he doesn't do hospitals well."

"Excuse me?" asked the doctor.

"He has a thing with hospitals," said Bucky in his rumbling tone that did not allow arguments. "They stress him out. We had transportation waiting for us on the roof. We're from out of town. So if you would sign off saying he's allowed to leave, we can take him home to get better."

"That's not how this works," said the doctor. "You may be on his medical release forms but only James Rhodes has the authority to allow something like that. Since neither of you are James Rhodes, you may go visit your friend and then leave for the night without him."

"That's not going to work," said Steve.

Suddenly, Light Brigade came skidding into the waiting room, jumping all over Steve and Bucky, sniffing the doctor, trying to locate his human.

"Of course Tony would pick a dog that refuses to listen to anyone," yelled Rhodey, running into the room, leash in hand, panting. "Light Brigade, you mangy mutt get back here!"

"Rhodey!" said Steve, turning desperate eyes on the colonel. "Tell this man that Tony's not staying here."

"Of course he's not staying here," said Rhodey, confused as he wrestled with Light Brigade to get the leash on him.

"Sir, you can't have that dog in here," said the doctor.

"I know, sorry," said Rhodey with a rueful grin. "But he's Tony's and since Tony will be leaving now I had to go get his dog. He'd be heartbroken if this thing got left behind."

"Who are you?" demanded the doctor. "My patient is not going anywhere."

"I'm Colonel James Rhodes," said Rhodey, standing up to his full height and glaring at the doctor. "I just spent the last seven hours flying here from my assignment with the Air Force because my best friend got in a car accident. I have been awake for almost 48 hours, I do not have time for this shit. Now I assure you that I would never risk Tony's life because it's my job to look out for him and take care of him, it's his job to be self destructive, so rest assured that there will be many doctor visits in his near future. But I am taking him with me now. So either sign the damn papers or wait and bring the full wrath of the overprotective Avengers team down on her head. I don't care which."

"Where is this doctor you all keep claiming will be involved?" asked the doctor weakly.

"He's upstairs waiting for us," said Steve. "Why don't I take you to him and introduce the two of you? That way you can exchange notes or something?"

Steve wrapped a long arm around the doctors shoulders and ushered him to the stairs, leaving Bucky and Rhodey to locate Tony.

Tony was asleep in a private room, hooked up to a heart monitor, IV, and not much else, covered in plaster and bandages and looking impossibly small on the hospital bed. For a moment, Rhodey and Bucky just stared at him.

"This is going to be your life now," said Rhodey, staring at Tony. "You realize that, right? If you date him, he's going to end up in the hospital again, it's what he does. Are you prepared for that?"

"You're not going to scare me off, Colonel," said Bucky. "Tony's a pain in the ass but damn if he's not the best the world has to offer."

"You're telling me," said Rhodey with a small smile. "Alright, let's bust this pain in the ass out of here before he wakes up and has a panic attack."

Light Brigade jumped onto the bed with Tony and splayed out down the side of the bed like a long furry blanket. Rhodey and Bucky detached the unnessasary heart monitor and breaks and wheeled the bed, IV, and broken man down the hall, up the elevator, and to the waiting jet. There they loaded Tony onto the personal bed waiting, returned the stolen hospital bed, and waited for Bruce and Rhodey to finish bullying the doctor into letting Tony leave.

Awareness came back slowly, painfully, as if each cell in his body felt compelled to make it's presence known. By the time his brain was firing at partial speed, Tony remembered what had happened. The zoo. Promises to dress in period clothing. The car spinning – which Steve would never allow, so maybe he dreamed that bit. Red. The screaming. The screaming that stopped. More red.

But the screaming had stopped. Tony could put aside the red – he was clearly not dead because he planned on being greeted by fire and brimstone and a throne with his name on it – but the screaming had stopped. If it stopped, then the one screaming died. Which meant the moment Tony opened his eyes he would discover which one of his best friends he would have to live without.

"Nope," groaned Tony. "Not awake."

There was a soft chuckle near his right ear and a hand smoothing his hair.

"You're not wrong," laughed Steve, his voice sounding on the verge of tears or exhaustion. "You're not supposed to be awake yet. The doctor said you'd be out for several more hours."

"Not the boss of me," mumbled Tony, fighting to get his eyes open, blinking against the dim light that felt entirely too bright to his eyes.

Steve's smiling face swam into view after several seconds, followed by the shaggy brown hair of his counter part.

"Wait," said Tony weakly. "You're both alive? But…but the screaming. There was screaming…and it stopped."

"We're alive," assured Bucky. "We'll explain everything when you're more awake. Right now we're on our way back to New York. We figured you'd want out of the hospital."

"You're not Rhodey," said Tony dumbly. "Rhodey can break me out of hospitals. Not you."

"We just dropped Rhodey off at base," said Steve. "He's sorry he couldn't stay but he sorta left without permission in the first place."

"Oh."

Tony closed his eyes. Being awake and talking was way more work than he thought it would be. His body seemed like on large bag of hurt and his brain could not seem to process all the readings it was getting. He really just wanted to be home with JARVIS and in a bed – but not his bed.

"Don't worry, you're staying with us until you decide to leave," said Bucky, confirming that Tony had said that last part out loud.

"Kidnapping," mumbled Tony, mostly asleep again.

"Some call it stalking, I call it love," quipped Bucky, but Tony couldn't be sure if the assassin actually said that or if his pain and medication addled brain had made it up.


End file.
